Fainted Apperance .

I miss something that I never had in the first place . Honestly I think I miss what everyone's definition of a father is . I never had one and sometimes running into his arms , actually having that male figure in my life is what I need at the time but being seventeen years old , it feels like its too late . I wanna feel loved by him and I don't , never had that connection between us because while I was tryna build that relationship , he was trying to break it down . He didn' want that for us , he doesn't appericate his one and only daughter . Listening to other father stories from friends of mine sometimes hurt , never would I be able to say something like that and to think about my wedding in the future kills me . The roll of your father walking you down the aile is a symbol of him guiding you all your life to that point and handing you off to be a woman , his first time not being the only man in your life but does it even matter cause mine was never there for school activities, cheerleading games, graduations, bike rides, or anything that I got myself into. So someone please tell me why I would invite this fake ass father that I love and hate so much at the same time to my highschool graduation or wedding . It wasn't like he helped with anything at all, doesn't even remember my birthday or better yet can't spell my name . To be honest I miss something that I never had in the first place cause even when it was right infront of my face and he was standing directly next to me . . . it felt like he was a million miles away .