Before and After .

I look back on the events and the stages that have helped me grown throughout my life . The ways I used to act, the things I used to do, people I used to surround myself with and the feelings that I used to wanna feel . How I used to long for certain things that were so unnessacary , now that I look back on it . How I've gotten hurt by the desire for the things that never had any type of desire for me or better yet how I lusted for moments and when they were finally handed to me , it was no where what I imagined . Phases that I used to go through to get to the point where I'm at now . How I was a push over , used to be the girl that everyone took my kindness of weakness . The bridge from one side to another , where people just abused, never appericated but continued to walk over as if I or as I should say I didnt matter . How I deprived myself of self esteem because my hair wasn't as long as it used to be or I wasn't as light or pretty as the others , like it mattered one bit because my personality was greater then anyone's looks but yet I was blinded by the obvious and couldn't see the things that aren't shown if you don't look .

But now , I march to my own beat and I don't hang out at certain places or do certain things because everyone is doing it or if I shall it's my decision and wasn't influenced by anyother . How I surrond myself with postive friends and great inspirations that not only push me in the right direction but listen in the time of need to be heard . I do not lay down as that bridge now but I am the rope that keeps it up and can easily untie it's self when felt unappericated and then no one can get across unless I am willing to tie myself again . How I don't worry about another's beautiful eyes or gorgeous smile but can see the ugliest out of the most beautifulest people and most importantly how I am able to not long for certain things that will not long for me . I am able to pick and choose my battles , learn that certain things will not be the way i've imagined and I am able to except that even if the pain is forever .

I look back on the phases of my life and what it used to be and I'm able to laugh and enjoy what I've become now , even in my constant stage of growth and think to myself I never ever wanna be that girl that I once was but I thank her because she made me what I am now .