"I should be crying but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking ... All the things I should've said that I never said . All the things we should've done but we never did. Oh darling .. Make it go away . Just make it go away" - Maxwell .
It's been a tiring battle over the last year and I'm tired of fighting the war with my heart . It's amazing how a person could change your life completely . A few months ago if you asked me if I was happy or if I missed him . . I would have told you yess I'm happy and hell no I dont miss him with no hesitation but now that I seen what my happiness truly looks like my whole prespective has changed . Now I'm wanting, hoping, wishing but then its like that has always been my role sadly . I've always had to wait for what I truly wanted, especially now for something that I had .
I had a conversation with my sister today and she told me " If its meant to be then it will happen " but what if your tired of waiting . What if for once you just want it right then and there ? Guess that would defeat the whole purpose and apperication of it right ? But if you had something so special that you just can't seem to let go then why would you let it go ? There are so many questions , unanswered questions with my heart that I want to know but it seems like the answers that I'm seeking long with patience .. the patience that I was hoping that I wouldn't have to deal with but realized that I will need to get past these emotions and this battle within my heart .
So cnce again ... I'm the outsider looking in :(
It's been a tiring battle over the last year and I'm tired of fighting the war with my heart . It's amazing how a person could change your life completely . A few months ago if you asked me if I was happy or if I missed him . . I would have told you yess I'm happy and hell no I dont miss him with no hesitation but now that I seen what my happiness truly looks like my whole prespective has changed . Now I'm wanting, hoping, wishing but then its like that has always been my role sadly . I've always had to wait for what I truly wanted, especially now for something that I had .
I had a conversation with my sister today and she told me " If its meant to be then it will happen " but what if your tired of waiting . What if for once you just want it right then and there ? Guess that would defeat the whole purpose and apperication of it right ? But if you had something so special that you just can't seem to let go then why would you let it go ? There are so many questions , unanswered questions with my heart that I want to know but it seems like the answers that I'm seeking long with patience .. the patience that I was hoping that I wouldn't have to deal with but realized that I will need to get past these emotions and this battle within my heart .
So cnce again ... I'm the outsider looking in :(
No comments:
Post a Comment